Day 03- A Combination of Contradictions

Day Three
Wednesday

Bright the Day

I know this isn't the most exciting blog in the world and if you're reading it... well, you're probably only reading it if you're Mrs. Amy Farrah Fowler and you have to. So I apologize for any lameness in the blog. There's only so much I can do to make this challenge interesting.

Enjoy

Today's Outfit

Clothing: Black jeans, the most casual pair of pants I have in my 621 (6 items, 2 weeks, 1 challenge) wardrobe.  A purple V-neck pullover, like the black one I wore yesterday, except, uh, purple?
Shoes: They're sperrys; gray and purple and cute, but I they kill my feet by the end of the day. I haven't had time to break in any of my new shoes so I've been torturing my feet every day this week just so that  I could stick them out and go "cute!". It's atrocious, since I usually wouldn't bother. I feel so not me, and that's the only way I can put it.
Hair: Bangs scwhooped back with a bobby pin again. Okay, so this was my train of thought this morning:
maybe I'll even leave it in this time. But probably not. Actually, watch me decide to leave it in and then it falls out! That would be zetta sadface-making." and then it did just fall out and I was cracking up and everyone was very confused. It was swerval.
Jewelry: My traditional trio first: the faerie ring, two charmed necklace, and aluminum bracelet. Then, the dangly purple earrings. They hurt much less, now that I'm used to them. But they do still hurt a little, at the end of the day; they were fine until noon-ish. And it wasn't that they were so heavy, either, because they're not. It's just that the stem part (is that what it's called? No, probably now. But the wire that goes through the ear) was rather thick. Anyways, moving on.
Makeup: None. Nada. Zilch. Get over it.

For anyone paying attention (okay- nobody), I have now worn all six of my items.

Impressions/Reactions/Observations

This whole thing seems like kind of a let down, honestly. Maybe it'll become more of a challenge and more life-changing once I get further into it but nothing much is happening now. I wore nice clothes- no one said anything. I don't think anyone's going to say anything about me repeating clothes, either, if they even notice. I guess I'm just too weird on a regular basis and my friend is used to me being odd. They handled me wearing cat ears without batting an eye- so I guess this is nothing compared to that. And that's a little sadface-making, actually. I wanted this to be a really bubbly (eye opening) experience and it's kinda bogus. I'll still do the 621. Maybe I'll get something out of it and, if not, better than a journal entry on presentations. But... I don't know. I'm a little disappointed.

But in contrast- on Monday, I remember standing in front of the mirror in my computer room- one of the wall is just one huge mirror so that you can see yourself head to toe. I was wearing my skirt and fancy top, with tights and cute little wedges. Even makeup. And I was struck by how off it was and I tried to have self control, and act calm and controlled and just not me. I wanted to fit how everyone expected me to be; that is, how they would expect me to be if they didn't know me and only saw me, in my fancy prissy clothing.

But then, by lunch, my friends were like "You okay?" and no, I wasn't: I was pretending to be someone I wasn't and I didn't know why and it was really starting to zronk (annoy) me. But then they all laughed at me and told me that I can look different than who I am but not necessarily be different. So even though I wore clothing the past two days that were more formal/fancy/nice than I usually wear, I still remained my goofy, loud, slap-happy self. Because why should a stranger's opinion of me matter more than my own opinion of myself? It shouldn't. So I just decided that I wouldn't let it and I acted like myself again- and I'm just really glad I decided that. It's freeing. Very bubbly-esque.

So, okay, even if I was a little unimpressed with other people's reactions to the 621, I found it interesting to learn more about my self and that's more important, after all.

Hot Chocolate

One of my friends bought me a hot chocolate this morning (I love the school's hot chocolate!) and I must say I think I look quite striking in my black jeans, bright purple pullover, with a hot chocolate wafting its deliciously scented steam under my nose. Maybe that sounds stupid- or pretentious. But you wouldn't want me to lie, eh?

Hot cocoa clip art by clipartof

Set Phasers to Stun(ning)!

Okay, crappy pun aside- I don't know if what I'm about to say has all that much to do with the 621, besides the fact that I chose nicer clothing for my six items, but I do think it deserves a mention. I've been thinking of what I'm going to wear after the 621 is over- not in a "I can't wait for clothing freedom!" kind of way- at least, not yet. Just that I've been wondering if I'm going to go back to the same, ultra-casual clothing.

I don't think skirts are going to become an integral part of my wardrobe, of course, but I might wear skinny jeans, for example, instead of my typical frayed pair of jeans. Maybe I could get rid of the tee-shirts and try some new pullovers and boat necked tops. Or at least v neck tees- I don't need to dress like a guy- it's just what I've always done. I've never had a problem blending into the shadows- dress wise, that is. In fact, I love the looks on people's faces when they expect some shy little underclassmen with boyish clothing and get me- loud, laughing, excited, trying to do a hundred things all right now.

But wanting to change- isn't that odd? I've never liked change. Ever. I think that change is good and necessary but that doesn't mean that I necessarily welcome it. My mother likes change- she redecorates a lot, she enjoys moving. And that's not bad, of course, it's just not me. I enjoy stability and structure and things that change doesn't allow me to obtain easily. But here I am, diving into this. Ok- so that sounds a little melodramatic. I'm not getting a tattoo- so it's not like it's overly permanent. And it's not a big deal, right? It's just a wardrobe.

But that's just not true. A wardrobe is never just a wardrobe. Especially for teenagers. Especially for girls. Being casual meant I didn't have to follow trends. If I way behind, that's because I chose to be separate from the system. But if I try and can't cut it, then that's a whole 'nother story.

Besides, what you wear tells a lot about someone. Mostly, in my opinion, because we let other people expectations of us shape us. And why? So we can be normal. But wouldn't that just be so boring? Every kid in the same skinny jeans and funky shirts? What's so wrong with wanting to abnormal? Or wanting to look "normal" and act like yourself- kooky and wild and zany and swerval? Nothing, in my opinion. But what's my opinion worth? I'm just a girl, pretending to be girly, trying to stay herself, and fighting against other peoples' misconceptions. But what do I know about the situation? I'm only living it, right?

Furthermore- it's not like I'm going to dedicate myself to fashion and fads and that rot. That sort of thing might be important to someone else and they might really really care about image- or just like the clothing. And for them, that's fine. But I'm not them. If I wear skinny jeans, it won't be because it's fashionable. If I wear a funky new top, it won't be because other people will think it's "cool". I don't care what they think, for the most part.

Everyone wants to be appreciated, but I'd rather be appreciated for my humor or intelligence or my writing skills or anything else. So I'll wear new clothing after the 621 is over. But it'll be because I like it, not because the masses might. If our likes match up, fine. Great. But I'm wearing "fashionable" clothes because I want to. This school year, I haven't had time to do things just because I wanted to. And I really miss that. So I'm going to mix things up. I might not like change- but other people can't stand it. And I want to watch the chaos. And... I don't know. I want to feel pretty.

I don't feel pretty about myself. I might not be the traditional beauty. And I'm okay with that but I still want to feel pretty. I don't need to be gorgeous to have a good self image. Sadly- I don't. I wear clothes that let me blend in because I'm terrified of standing out. But I do- in everything, I'm different. I love that about myself. But I don't want to be different because of my looks. I didn't want to draw attention to the unattractive, overweight, just plain ugly girl that I thought-and maybe still think, sometimes- I was. But I wasn't getting anywhere. I was always trying to blend in and look prettier. But I don't need to stress to look prettier, I need to care, maybe, about what I wear or how I do my hair or if I wear makeup- but that's not the same thing. Right?

I'm trying new hairstyles to find one I like. Remember the hair sticks I showed y'all last time? But I still need to grow my hair out a few more inches; it'll work but it won't look as good at the moment. I might wear makeup. Okay, probably not. Maybe lipgloss or lipstick or something like that.

But I got new clothes recently, the kind you can't even put up on a hanger- you have to fold them neatly and put them in drawer. Which means I'm going to have to take the random crap out of my dresser (the harry potter wand, the maurders map, the papyrus from Egypt, the books, notebooks, loose papers, other random shizz). And I'll probably end up going through my wardrobe. Getting rid of the clothing I haven't worn in ages. Toss all the stained, ripped tee-shirts (except a couple for yardwork), reorganize my closet. At the moment, everything is in ROYGBIV order, which I love, but isn't overly practical since the shirts and pants are all next to each other. I got the new shoes, which y'all have already heard about in detail- maybe too much detail? Sorry Mrs. Amy Farrah Foweler! I don't mean to make you read this much- I just can't shut up!


I'm sure there were a ton of contradictions in that rant there and I'm sorry. I can't fix them because my thoughts are so contradictory at the moment. I can't get them to call their arses down and let me sort through them.

About my slang

If you can't figure it out, I've probably explained it before and expect you to know it by now. I'm not going to translate the darn word every time if I say it every day here, okay? That would be stupid. If you can't remember, context clues fail you, and you just must know... chillax, first of all. Press "Ctrl" and "F" at the same time; you'll get the "find" box. Type the word in and then scroll down with it until you find a time when I "translated" for you.But, seriously, you ought to know some of these by post six. Like...
Zetta (really, very, a lot, mega, uber, etc)
Slaggerific (Lame, bogus, suckith)
The 621 (this! Six items, two weeks, one challenge)
Swerval (awesome, fantastic, bubbly, etc)
Bubbly (no, it hasn't come up before this post; I didn't expect people to know this one; it means "eye-opening", basically, if you've read the Uglies trilogy, you probably understand)
My friends say I need to write a dictionary for my eclectic vernacular. Most of this was stolen from books, video games, etc. If I find a word I like, I'll just take it. I've even integrated Tayledras, a fictional language in the Velgarth books by Mercedes Lackey, into my friend's slang. Don't you feel bad for my friends now?

Eeeek, eeek, red alert, red alert

Some links are showing up, at least on my computer, in my posts but I did NOT put those links in there. I don't know why; if Blogger is doing it or it's a problem with google Chrome or what. But they're gibberish. Don't bother with them. There are a lot of links that I DO put in there to help clarify points or give credit. So how do you tell the difference? If you scroll over the link, the URL should show in the bottom left corner of your screen. If the URL starts with "securelink.sendori", then I did NOT put it in there; don't click on it, kay?

But, as you nod off to sleep from how boring and long this post is, I want to reiterate: I'm still going to the same derpy spazzy me. I'll still do the time warp with my friends when school's out, still struggle with ASL, still hum my original songs as I walk down the hallway. Speaking of my songs, here's one that I think matches my self image rant earlier: "All the things I wish I'd done/ the battles I'd lost but could have won/ all the things I never said/ and all the lies I told instead. Each day a misstep in life's cruel dance/ each day just another wasted chance/ each day something new to correct/ 'cuz I need to be absolutely perfect". (Obviously, that wasn't the WHOLE song, it was only the first two stanzas. And I know it's not very good. Get over it; y'all do better).


Zhai'helleva (Wind to thy wings),
S. Dorsey, 6th period